My Life’s Backbone

I recently watched a documentary on Netflix called “World’s Busiest Cities” and I was pleasantly surprised that the first episode was about Hong Kong, my home. One segment of the documentary that resonated with me was about domestic helpers. Growing up, my family, and many families in Hong Kong had a domestic helper. Most of them are from the Phillipines, Indonesia, or more or less poverty ridden countries that allow their citizens to come to Hong Kong to work domestically. Domestic helpers live with the family they work for to do house work, take care of children, among other things.

Having a domestic helper is not for the privileged in Hong Kong, It is common and sadly, to have a domestic helper is inexpensive. Many come to Hong Kong to make a living for their family back home, leaving their own children behind. Only about once a year do they have the chance to return home to see their family. Being a professor lets say, in a well educated neighborhood in the Phillipines, would bring home less income then moving to Hong Kong to work as a domestic helper indefinitely. Growing up, I was negligent and naive about this trend that was not apparent in most of the world. Only when I came to the USA to visit family and to attend summer camps did I realize that many people are not accustomed to the culture of domestic helpers. With that, I knew I was fortunate. Not fortunate in the sense that we had the opportunity to have someone working for us, but fortunate because I had someone else besides my biological family to love unconditionally. I had the urge to add in the “biological” aspect of family, because she is now my family too.

Some may not know it, but domestic helpers are the backbone of Hong Kong’s economy, absolutely making them important in every way. Domestic helpers are not only vital for the economy but they are also meaningful for the care, security, and love they bring to the families they work with. “Yaya” (translated to baby sitter in tagalog), was my families’ domestic helper and she started working for my family when I was under a year old. Without her, I would not be the person I am today. She loved me and my sisters, and would do anything to make sure we were safe. My family trusted her with everything. She was there to change my diapers, she was there when my sisters and I had petty bickers, She was there when I was awkwardly going through puberty, she was there when I brought home my first boyfriend, and she was there to lecture me about not sneaking out of the house to go to some irrelevant party. She had authority and we respected her. As a young girl, I remember sulking on Sundays when she was away on her holiday. Sunday is the selected day that most domestic helpers have off. There were times that I watched her walk back into the house on Sunday night and felt my heart become full once again.

I cannot thank her enough for being my second mom, and for being someone to lean on. I was lucky to have her as my life’s backbone, and the most heartbreaking part about having her in my life is that her child back home did not have her physically there. This sad truth makes my heart sink as her child missed out on the constant physical care that she brought me- although it is certain she does more than humanly possible to love her child (from a distance), the same way she loved my family. Her capacity to love was boundless. Her compassion exuded with every meticulous thing she did for me. From braiding my hair before ballet to helping me pack my lunch for school, every action, every word, every hug, there was genuinity. Thank you, Yaya, for finding my family and loving us with all your soul.

There are thousands of women in the same position as Yaya and that brings light to the inequality of this world. This alleged destined path for the thousands of domestic helpers is calamitious. But in this world, is it plausible to help such situations? Am I selfish to not want to break this cycle so others could be loved the same way that Yaya loved my family? There could be pages written about this ethical dilemma but for the sake of blog space, I wanted to nicely align this reflection with #internationalwomen’sday, thanking Yaya, and all domestic helpers, for their affection and for being the brave international women they are.

Peace and love always,

Feli <3